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When You Feel Something Isn’t Quite Right: A Real Guide To SEND Support In The Early Years

Hi, I’m Jade Ashman, the founder of My Childcare and Me and The Parent Club—but before that, I’m a mum. And like you, I know what it feels like to want the absolute best for your child—to want them to thrive, feel confident, and be truly understood.


And sometimes, that journey brings a quiet worry.


A feeling you can’t quite shake.


A thought like:

“Why is my child struggling more than others?”

“Should I be concerned?”

“Am I overthinking this?”


If you’ve ever felt this way, you are not alone. And more importantly—you are not wrong for noticing.


Let’s talk honestly about SEND support in the early years, in a way that feels real, clear, and helpful.


What Does SEND Actually Mean?

SEND stands for Special Educational Needs and Disabilities.


In simple terms, it means a child may need extra support to learn, communicate, or manage daily activities compared to other children their age.


According to the UK Department for Education, a child has SEND if they have a learning difficulty or disability that requires special support to help them learn.(Source: Department for Education, SEND Code of Practice, 2015)


This could include challenges with:

  • Speech and language

  • Social interaction

  • Behaviour or emotions

  • Physical development

  • Sensory needs (such as sensitivity to noise or touch)


But here’s something important to hold onto:

👉 SEND is not a label to limit your child.

👉 It is a way to understand and support them better.


The Real Challenges Parents Face

Let’s move away from definitions for a moment and talk about real life.


Parents often say things like:

  • “My child doesn’t speak as much as others.”

  • “They avoid eye contact.”

  • “They have frequent meltdowns.”

  • “They don’t play with other children.”

  • “Nursery has raised concerns, and I feel overwhelmed.”


These moments can feel heavy.

Not just because of the concern—but because of the uncertainty.


You might wonder:

  • What does this mean for their future?

  • Have I done something wrong?

  • What should I do next?


Let’s be clear about one thing:

👉 You have not caused this.

👉 And noticing early is a strength, not a failure.


Research shows that early identification and support can make a significant difference in a child’s development and long-term outcomes.(Source: NHS Early Years Development; Public Health England)


Early Signs: What to Look Out For (Without Panic)

Every child develops at their own pace. That’s true.

But there are some signs that may suggest a child could benefit from extra support.

For nursery-aged children, these might include:


Communication

  • Limited speech for their age

  • Difficulty understanding simple instructions

  • Not responding to their name

Social Interaction

  • Prefers to play alone most of the time

  • Finds it hard to engage with others

  • Limited eye contact

Behaviour and Emotions

  • Frequent meltdowns or strong reactions

  • Difficulty with changes in routine

  • Repetitive behaviours

Physical or Sensory Needs

  • Struggles with coordination

  • Over-sensitive to sounds, textures, or lights


Seeing one or two of these does not automatically mean SEND.

But if patterns continue, it is worth exploring support early.


What Support Looks Like in Nursery

One of the biggest worries parents have is:

“Will my child be left behind?”


The answer should be no—because nurseries in the UK are required to support children with SEND.

Under the SEND Code of Practice, early years settings must:

  • Identify children who may need extra support

  • Work closely with parents

  • Put strategies in place to help the child learn and settle


This support may include:

1. A Key Person Approach

Your child will have a dedicated adult who understands their needs and supports them daily.

2. Individual Support Plans

Simple plans that outline what helps your child—such as visual aids, routines, or communication support.

3. Small Adjustments

Things like:

  • Quiet spaces

  • Flexible routines

  • Extra time for transitions

4. Working with Specialists

Nurseries may involve:

  • Speech and language therapists

  • Educational psychologists

  • Health visitors


The Emotional Side (That No One Talks About Enough)

Let’s talk about you for a moment.

Because this journey is not just practical—it’s emotional.

You might feel:

  • Worried

  • Confused

  • Guilty

  • Protective

  • Even a bit lost

All of these feelings are valid.

Some parents also feel hesitant about seeking support because they worry about “labelling” their child.


But here’s a gentle reframe:

👉 Support does not change who your child is.

👉 It helps the world understand them better.


Practical Ways You Can Support Your Child at Home

You don’t need to have all the answers to make a difference.

Small, consistent steps at home can support your child in powerful ways.


1. Create Predictable Routines

Children with SEND often feel safer when they know what to expect.

Simple routines like:

  • Morning wake-up

  • Mealtimes

  • Bedtime

…can reduce anxiety and improve behaviour.


2. Use Simple Language

Keep instructions short and clear:

  • “Shoes on.”

  • “Time to sit.”

Give your child time to process what you’ve said.


3. Use Visual Support

Pictures, gestures, or simple charts can help children understand routines and expectations.

This is especially helpful for children with communication challenges.


4. Follow Their Interests

If your child loves cars, animals, or building—use that.

Play is a powerful way to build connection, communication, and confidence.


5. Celebrate Small Wins

Progress may look different—and that’s okay.

Celebrate things like:

  • Trying a new word

  • Sitting for a short time

  • Playing alongside another child

These are big steps.


When and How to Ask for Help

If you feel concerned, trust that instinct.

You can speak to:

  • Your child’s nursery key person

  • The nursery SENCO (Special Educational Needs Coordinator)

  • Your health visitor

  • Your GP

You can also explore an Education, Health and Care (EHC) needs assessment if more support is needed.

The earlier support begins, the better the outcomes for your child.


A Gentle Truth About Progress

Progress in SEND journeys is not always linear.

There may be:

  • Steps forward

  • Steps back

  • Plateaus


And that can feel frustrating.

But development is still happening—even when it is not obvious.

Research shows that early, consistent support helps children build skills over time, even if progress feels slow at first.



You Are Not Alone in This

One of the hardest parts of this journey is feeling isolated.

You might feel like:

  • Other parents don’t understand

  • You’re constantly explaining your child

  • You’re carrying the mental load alone


But there is a community out there.

And there is support.

Reaching out—to professionals, to nurseries, to parent groups—can make a real difference.


Final Thoughts from One Parent to Another

Let me leave you with this:

Your child does not need to fit into the world perfectly.They need the world to understand them.

And that starts with support, patience, and compassion.

You are already doing something incredibly important—You are noticing.You are caring.You are showing up.

That matters more than you realise.


If you are on this journey, please know this:

You are not behind.

Your child is not broken.

And support is there to help both of you move forward—with confidence.


We’re here with you, every step of the way.





 
 
 

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