“I Knew Something Wasn’t Quite Right”: What Parents Need to Know About Seeking SEND Support

“I kept being told to wait.”

“They said every child develops differently.”

“But deep down, I knew something wasn’t quite right.”

If you are a parent carrying quiet worries about your child’s development, behaviour, communication, emotions, or learning, you are far from alone.

Hi, I’m Jade Ashman, the founder of My Childcare and Me and The Parent Club—but before that, I’m a mum. And like you, I know what it feels like to want the absolute best for your child—to want them to thrive, feel confident, and be truly understood.

For many families, concerns around SEND (Special Educational Needs and Disabilities) do not begin with one dramatic moment. They begin slowly. Subtly.

Perhaps your child struggles with loud environments. Maybe they find social situations overwhelming. Perhaps their speech is delayed, or they experience emotional outbursts that feel bigger than “typical toddler behaviour”. Maybe school drop-offs have become distressing, or you’ve noticed your child masking all day only to completely unravel at home.

And often, alongside those concerns, comes something else many parents do not speak openly about:

Self-doubt.

You question yourself constantly.

“Am I overthinking?”

“Am I comparing my child unfairly?”

“Should I just wait a little longer?”

The reality is that many parents instinctively recognise when their child may need additional support long before formal assessments ever happen.

And trusting those instincts matters.

SEND Support Is Not About Labels — It’s About Understanding

One of the biggest misconceptions around SEND support is that seeking help means “labelling” a child.

In truth, appropriate support is not about limiting children—it is about understanding them better.

Children with additional needs are not “difficult”, “naughty”, “lazy”, or “attention-seeking”.

Behaviour is communication, especially in younger children who may not yet have the language to explain what they are feeling or experiencing internally.

For example:

• A child refusing school may be experiencing anxiety or sensory overwhelm.

• A child having frequent meltdowns may struggle with emotional regulation.

• A child who avoids eye contact or group play may process social interaction differently.

• A child constantly moving may not simply “need discipline”.

Research consistently shows that early support can significantly improve emotional wellbeing, communication skills, confidence, and long-term outcomes for children with additional needs.

And importantly, support does not always require a diagnosis first.

The Emotional Weight Parents Often Carry

Many parents navigating possible SEND concerns feel isolated.

Friends or family may unintentionally dismiss concerns with comments like:

• “They’ll grow out of it.”

• “Boys are always more energetic.”

• “You were shy as a child too.”

• “Every child is different.”

While these comments are often well-meaning, they can leave parents feeling unheard.

At the same time, many families face long waiting lists for assessments and services across the UK. According to recent reports, delays in accessing support for autism, ADHD, speech and language therapy, and mental health services have become increasingly common.

This waiting period can feel emotionally exhausting.

You may feel stuck between knowing your child needs help and not knowing how long that help will take to arrive.

And during that time, many parents quietly blame themselves.

But needing support is not a parenting failure.

Parenting a child with additional needs often requires extraordinary emotional energy, patience, advocacy, and resilience—usually while juggling work, finances, family pressures, and exhaustion.

Signs That Additional Support May Help

Every child develops differently, and no checklist can fully define a child’s experience. However, some signs may indicate that further support or guidance could be beneficial.

These can include:

• Delayed speech or communication difficulties

• Extreme emotional reactions or meltdowns

• Ongoing sleep difficulties

• Challenges with social interaction

• Sensory sensitivities to noise, clothing, food, or environments

• Difficulty coping with transitions or changes

• Persistent anxiety

• Challenges with focus or impulsivity

• Struggling significantly in nursery or school settings

Importantly, these signs do not automatically mean a child has a diagnosis.

But they do deserve attention, support, and understanding.

What Parents Can Do If They Are Concerned

One of the hardest things about SEND journeys is knowing where to start.

Many parents fear they will not be taken seriously, especially if concerns are subtle or inconsistent.

Here are some practical steps that can help:

Keep notes about what you observe

Documenting patterns can be incredibly useful.

For example:

• When behaviours happen

• What seems to trigger distress

• Changes in sleep or eating

• School feedback

• Emotional patterns at home

This information can help professionals build a clearer picture over time.

Speak openly with nursery or school staff

Early years practitioners and teachers often notice behaviours across different environments.

Approaching conversations collaboratively rather than defensively can help create stronger support systems around your child.

You might say: “I’ve noticed a few things at home and wondered whether you’ve observed anything similar.”

Do not be afraid to ask questions

Parents sometimes worry about being seen as “difficult”.

But advocating for your child matters.

You are allowed to ask:

• What support is available?

• What happens next?

• Can referrals be considered?

• How can home and school work together?

You do not need to navigate everything alone.

Focus on your child’s strengths too

When concerns arise, it is easy for family life to become centred entirely around challenges.

But children are so much more than their struggles.

Many children with additional needs are deeply creative, empathetic, funny, imaginative, determined, and insightful.

Protecting self-esteem is incredibly important.

Celebrate the things your child can do—not just the areas they find difficult.

Parents Need Support Too

One thing that often gets overlooked in SEND conversations is the emotional wellbeing of parents themselves.

Many parents experience:

• Burnout

• Anxiety

• Guilt

• Loneliness

• Financial strain

• Relationship stress

• Mental exhaustion from constant advocacy

Trying to “hold it all together” while supporting a child with additional needs can feel relentless at times.

Please remember this:

You matter too.

Seeking support for yourself—whether through parent communities, trusted friends, counselling, or simply honest conversations—can make a huge difference.

You do not have to carry every worry silently.

There Is No “Perfect” Timeline

Some children receive support early. Others are identified later. Some receive diagnoses quickly, while others spend years waiting for answers.

But support should never depend entirely on a label.

Children deserve compassion, flexibility, and understanding exactly as they are right now.

And parents deserve reassurance that noticing concerns does not make them negative or overprotective.

Often, it simply means you are paying attention.

A Final Word for Parents Who Are Unsure

If you have found yourself searching online late at night, comparing milestones, worrying before school meetings, or carrying that persistent feeling that your child may need more support, please hear this:

You are not imagining things.

You are not failing.

And you are not alone.

Sometimes, the most powerful thing a parent can do is trust their instincts and ask questions early.

Because every child deserves to feel understood—not forced to fit expectations that do not reflect who they truly are.

And every parent deserves support, guidance, and reassurance along the way.

At My Childcare and Me, we believe children thrive best when families feel informed, empowered, and supported too.

And no matter where you are in your SEND journey, that support matters.

You should never feel alone when navigating SEND concerns. At My Childcare and Me, we believe in working in partnership with parents to help every child thrive. Get in touch today or arrange a visit to see how our supportive environment can make a difference for your family.