Sibling Relationships and Neurodiversity

Being a parent to two amazing daughters, one of whom is neurodiverse, has brought me a wealth of experiences, challenges, and unexpected joys. Watching siblings grow up together is such a heart warming journey, but when one child has additional needs, it can introduce complexities that sometimes need extra care and attention. 

Our eldest has been incredibly patient, loving, and protective of her sister, but I know it hasn't always been easy for her. Siblings often have to adapt in ways that can be hard for them to understand. They're navigating not just their own developmental path but also learning to cope with the specific needs and behaviours of their sibling. It's important to remember that both children—whether neurotypical or neurodiverse— need support, understanding, and space to grow in their own ways. 

Here are some tips and resources that I’ve found helpful in creating a positive, supportive environment for both of my daughters: 

Open Communication is Key 

One of the most important things I’ve learned is to keep an open line of communication with both of my girls. I try to make time to talk with my eldest about how she’s feeling. It's okay for her to express frustration, confusion, or sadness. I've found that reading books together has been a great way to start conversations about what her sister is going through. Some books that helped us are "The Family Experience of Autism" by Millicent Simmons and "Siblings: You're Important Too" by Paula Kluth, which can help siblings understand that their feelings are valid and important. 

Balancing Attention 

It’s so easy for the focus to shift towards the child with additional needs, but I’ve learned that it's crucial to carve out time just for the sibling. It could be something as simple as a movie night, baking together, or having one-on-one conversations. These moments reinforce that they are valued and not overlooked, even when their sibling's needs demand more attention at times. 

Support Networks for Siblings 

There are incredible support networks out there, and one that’s been particularly useful for us is Sibs, a UK charity specifically supporting siblings of disabled children. They offer resources and even run events that allow siblings to meet others in similar situations. The opportunity for my eldest to connect with other siblings who understand her experiences has been really beneficial. 

Services and Charities 

We’ve found that having external support can make a big difference. Organisations like Contact provide fantastic resources for families with disabled children. They offer advice, support groups, and even help with navigating things like EHCPs (Education, Health, and Care Plans). There are also local services that may provide short breaks or respite care, which can help the whole family recharge. 

For neurodiverse children, places like Ambitious About Autism have been a great resource for us. They offer practical advice, training, and a community where you can share experiences. 

Schools and Educators 

It’s so important to have the school on board. For both my daughters, communicating with their teachers and SENCOs (Special Educational Needs Coordinators) has been essential in creating an understanding environment. A good school can be a fantastic support system for both the child with additional needs and their siblings. If you're unsure where to start, IPSEA (Independent Provider of Special Education Advice) can help you navigate your rights and ensure your child is receiving the right support at school. 

Self-Care for Parents 

Don’t forget about yourself. It's easy to put everyone else first, but it's important to take moments to recharge. Finding other parents in similar situations through local support groups or online communities like Special Needs Jungle has helped me to not feel so isolated.

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Every family is unique, and while our journeys may have different challenges, there is strength and beauty in them too. Knowing that there are resources, charities, and support networks out there can make the path a little easier to navigate. For those also walking this road, I hope some of these tips can bring a bit of comfort and direction. We’re all in this together.